In medieval Japan, no one can hear you scream! Whoever wins...we lose! It came to our planet for the thrill of the hunt but it picked the wrong man! It's an alien, a big, disgusting alien who wants to rip out our intestines and tear off our heads. It comes from a planet where everything is goopy and disgusting and the only language it speaks is horrible violence. It's like a drunk redneck with a gun set loose at a wedding reception. This sick extraterrestrial freak even wants to impregnate our species with its hideous jelly babies. It is unstoppable. It is unkillable. It is unbeatable. But it made one mistake: it forgot to make itself ninja-proof.

Ninjas – Japan's national animal. A form of wildlife found in ancient castles lurking in shadows and disappearing in a flash of smoke. Ninjas: they fight like Bruce Lee and they taste like bacon cheeseburgers. Ninja hobbies: flipping out and killing people. Ninja likes: long walks on the beach and killing people. Ninja dislikes: not killing people, aliens. Favorite food: roasted unicorn. Favorite drink: Ninjas do not need liquids, you idiot.

Like some kind of ultra-stupid, ultra-gory version of the Might Moronic Power Rangers, Alien vs. Ninja is the kind of boneheaded movie that does exactly what it says on the box. There are ninjas, and they fight an alien and by the end so many buckets of gore have been emptied, so many prop swords have been soaked in green alien gunk and so many copyright laws have been violated that the entire Dumb Movies Genre needs to go on vacation. The first title in Nikkatsu's Sushi Typhoon line of films, no other motion picture can offer you the cheap, rotgut thrills of this massive slab of cheddar.