Oh, to be in Tony's shoes. Fresh from Korea at 40 years old, he's now the new kid in high school; his best friend is the leader of a homoerotic gang who revel in throwing unexpected birthday parties; his girl just happens to be the sister of a rival gang leader; and to top it off, he's blowing off his homework to run security for a local druglord. The America dream!

Starring Best of the Best's Phillip Rhee, James Lew (who's been cast no less than 40 times as "Asian gangster"), Bill "Superfoot" Wallace and Jun Chong of Bruce Lee Fights Back From the Grave, this movie is Woo-sang "Richard" Park's long-forgotten attempt at a dramatic American martial arts movie - followed closely by 1986's MIAMI CONNECTION. What last year's House did for the horror film, L.A. Streetfighter does for the 80's action flick: dissects, deconstructs and demolishes.

Everything inL.A. Streetfighter - from its romantic ice cream interludes to its final showdown inside a fishery/art gallery - is the cinematic equivalent of fool's gold. Feel free to pick your jaw up off the floor as Tony decides to pull his car over because he's "thirsty for beer" or when he approaches his best friend in the shower, tells him he needs something to eat, and hands him a banana.

Yes, that hitman is dressed like a Samurai - and yes, that is the film's only song playing for the 300th time. Squint your eyes past the worst lighting ever committed to celluloid and you'll see the screen debut of Thomas Wilson (the evil Biff from Back to the Future) and scream queen Brinke Stevens in an uncredited role as "Woman getting plowed in bathtub."

At one point, one of the overwhelmed gang members sobs to his friends: "I never had a birthday cake before," and, New Yorkers, you're about to receive the ultimate birthday cake - a deliciously messy, cheese-encrusted cake that the world forgot had been baking in the L.A. sun since 1985.